Monday, July 19, 2010


I'm just going to give a little bit more of an intro, focusing more on myself. :)

So I was born up North, about five or six hours away from the border to Canada, and around five, I moved to South Texas, not too far from the border to Mexico...

In elementary I had quite a few friends, just like everyone does in elementary ha ha, but I moved to a new school a while after my parents got divorced (My dad didn't want to live anywhere near my mom), and I had to start all over. I had one friend who lived a block away from my mom's house, but he soon moved to NYC, so I decided it was time to make new friends. It went pretty easily since it was a pretty small school, and I met everyone in my class (There was only one fifth grade class). My best friends were a set of twins, Mark and John, but right after I was through with fifth grade, I moved to yet another school, in a smaller town. In sixth grade, I didn't know what to do, because I had to choose an Elective, so my dad chose for me, I got signed up for choir. I had pretty much given up on making friend by this point, and secluded myself to playing video games and singing in choir. The choir helped me make friends, and pretty soon I started loving it. Although I never got popular in the school, I did have fun, and I loved all of my teachers.
PE was pretty brutal for me in that school, mainly because I was pretty chubby, and afraid to change out like the other kids, so people poked fun at me when I had to because they knew it. One kid decided to take it upon himself to punch me in the balls every day, even after I told him to stop...
Eighth grade was a lot better (other than the fact that I still only had around five friends), and since I didn't have to take a PE class, I was an office aide. Some kids called me gay on a regular basis, and since this was before I even thought I was, I got pissed, and got in trouble for telling them to shut the hell up a couple of times. Luckily, the teachers only verbally reprimanded me, and I never got in serious trouble for it. All of that was started by one ginger named James.
I moved back up to my home town after eighth grade, and boy was I a loner! At lunch I would sit in the class room of a teacher that I knew only through a club, and eat my lunch in complete silence away from the few other kids that went into the room. I was still in choir, and my choir teacher apparently liked me, because he put me in the special freshman group for State. It was huge, but I still was happy to be included. Ha ha. I had made on friend, who I won't name, but I will call him "CJ". Or rather CJ forced me to be his friend. Ha ha, I never really spoke, but he just came up to me in this freshman group thing that we did, and started talking to me. Even when I thought the conversations were dead, he would find a way to bring them back to life! I guess that is just who he is though, lol. We ended up having PE together, and we had a joke where I would call him my scape goat whenever I messed up in games or whatever, and he would just say "What?! YOU ARE A GOAT?!" I know, it is stupid, but it got me to open up a little bit. After I was done with my freshman year, I looked back and was happy, because I had made a few more friends.
Sophomore year I had CJ in only one class, Biology, and almost none of my other friends were in any of my classes. I got into the advanced choir, mainly because I was a guy and my choir teacher needed guys to balance out the girls, but then I auditioned for the best choir in the school, and to my surprise, I got it! Only me and one other sophomore had made it, and no freshmen because the choir teacher didn't allow freshmen to join. I made friends with a few seniors and juniors, but I never really spoke to people in my own grade... CJ and I still talked in Bio, and I had succesfully made some other friends. I finally admitted to myself that I was gay (I thought I might be in my freshman year) but I never told anyone.
Junior year wasn't all that eventful, just made some more friends, and became less of an outcast. :) It was great.

As for Senior year, I'll just make a different post, starting with the summer before, and ending with graduation! :D

Sunday, July 18, 2010


Hi, for a while now, I have been pretty stressed, and haven't been able to talk about it to almost anyone. The big stressor is the fact that... Well... I'm gay, and in the closet. Because of that, I am going to keep my name out of the picture.

When I say that I am in the closet, it is ALMOST true, I know two people in real life that know I am gay, and I am in the process of trying to come out to others, but that is just adding stress.

So I guess I will talk about the two people who do know, and why I can't just talk to them all the time about everything, again keeping names out of the picture so they don't get mad that I was talking about them (This way I get to say more!)

The first to know I had any interest in men was a guy who was my friend last summer, that I started messing around with. We went almost all the way, but stopped just before my dick's head got into his ass... Turns out I DO have the ability to make guys cry! (If they are just as virgin as I am :P)
But yeah, I got too emotionally attached, wanted him to admit he was into guys to himself, and messed up our friendship around New Years. Just recently, I told him I was gay, which he just told me "Good for you". So yeah, that is the story of that guy.

The next is of my best friend, who didn't know I was into guys before him, but did know I was gay before him. I met her around the same time as him (Last summer). We went to a movie, and then started hanging out, and kicked it off really well. After a while, I decided that I wanted to come out to her (Mainly because she was a new friend, and I honestly didn't care too much at the time if she stayed my friend). I gave her a few hints, and she got it really fast. I was really surprised, and rather than being shocked, she just said "Damn it, why are all the good guys gay?" I laughed, and reassured her that I wasn't a good guy. :) Then we became better friends. Hence she is my best friend.

I can't talk to either of them about stuff though, because he doesn't talk to me about anything anymore (Although when I came out to him, he did tell me that he was bi, but that was it), and she gets way too excited, which just embarrasses me, and I get uncomfortable talking to her about guys and problems I have...

Anyway, that is a little bit of an intro, it is really long, and I am going to bed. I'll write more later. Peace!

(To my few followers, lol)